Web journal of Brendon O'Hanlon

MA interview

2011-03-31T15:08:00.005-01:00

So I went to my interview, the course leader was late and hadn't read my personal statement, so he almost solely asked me technical questions about my painting, which threw me. As ever in interview I don't feel I acquitted myself very well. I felt I flustered and bluffed badly. Then it struck me I don't know what an MA is really supposed to give me. I mean yes the opportunity to develop my work and the chance to study again is what every body sites, but actually I don't desperately need a space to develop my work and I'm happy with the critical discussion at Magenta. But I do need the qualification to progress my career and I do enjoy critique even if I do get defensive in the moment when my work is discussed (I assume every one does, its that or get upset) and I am looking forward to writing about art again.

If you've done an MA what did you get out of it that just being in the studio with other artists would not have given you? I'd like to know, I don't want the CV spiel that you give when you're trying to impress or trying to justify going back to Uni, I'd just like an explanation.

I'm a portrait artist, I'm exploring the genre and developing my work, finding out what works for me without aping the work of others. I don't really know what an MA will do for me apart from hot house that process, how should I have answered the question 'What do you want from an MA?'?

MA personal statement

2011-03-08T12:57:00.003-01:00

This is the personal statement I wrote to apply to London Met to do the MA Fine Art. It was an interesting exercise to try to encapsulate my art career and priorities in one page. Its a taster to hopefully provoke questions at interview. If you have any thoughts please leave a comment

"Brendon O'Hanlon Personal statement

I currently work on my art practice at Magenta Art, a studio and artist development space I co-founded and now run in Holloway, while working part time on the IT Service Desk at Haringey Council. My main motivation to do an MA is to enable me to teach art at university level alongside my continuing art practice.

Prior to studying fine art I spent eight years designing costumes for fringe and amateur theatre and short and low budget films. I made the switch to painting in 2004 after I went part time with my day job in IT. I exhibited paintings made while unable to find work in costume. The positive reaction to the work and the satisfaction of having final control of my work convinced me to pursue painting.

In 2006 I chose to study BA Fine Art at Middlesex University to have proper studio space, learn more about the ‘art world’ and for the opportunity to meet other artists. There I took the chance to experiment with video, performance, sculpture and guerrilla exhibiting as well as developing my painting. Joining the art discourse and discovering the varied nature of art and artists was probably the most significant and unexpected benefit of doing a degree.

My final degree show work was stripped back and very simple using my drawing and painting skills to show my interest in identity and human interaction. My dissertation looked at Mauritian art, I decided to analyse the attitude to visual art within Mauritian culture with the advantage of my personal viewpoint being half Mauritian living in Britain both part of and outside of the culture.

Since my degree, I have experimented with painting from video excerpts, from my own material and footage from sources such as YouTube. This was part of the process of trying to adapt my art practice post university, I realised that although it enabled me to work without a live model and I was able to capture subjects in a manner that working with a live sitter did not allow, the work lacked the immediacy of my painting from life. I have come to realise and accept that my best work is intrinsically time based, a record of my relationship with the sitter or subject. Rather than try to contrive an image or situation I should react to the subject as I work.

I am aware of the debate regarding the relevance of the painted portrait in contemporary art and I was reluctant to concentrate on it, but out of all my work, portraits have always stimulated the most postitive reaction, so I decided to reclaim the portrait for myself, by doing as many as I could for the next year. This has become about 2-3 paintings a week, also enabling me to refresh my skills, and I have particularly been trying to perfect the one sitting portrait. This work has led me to realize the increased relevance of the portrait. The live sitting conflicts with modern life; the digital world tells us everything can be done virtually, but the portrait emphasises the enduring value of human contact and personal relationships.

Magenta Art was founded in 2009 as supportive environment with studio space, an art reference library and regular events aimed at new graduates. We have had several exhibitions and open studios including being part of Islington Exhibits. It has also become a space for older art graduates to come back to art. The experience of the past year running Magenta has reinforced my desire to work in art education, helping others work in art along side my own practice. "

2008-10-13T15:49:00.002-01:00

After some investigation, I have realised that Mauritian Artists can be defined or grouped in many ways. There are off the top of my head:

1 dead ones particularly pre-independence ( 12th March1968)
2 those who were alive and working at the time of independence.
3 There are those who live in Mauritius but who's family paid for them to go and study in Western Europe or the US.
4 second generation Mauritians who's parents emigrated and grew up with free or subsidised University education

Possible Mauritian Art as a Dissertation

2008-10-13T09:06:00.001-01:00

Art and Mauritius, I recently went to Mauritius on holiday with my girlfriend, for me it was a chance to see family I haven't seen in years and to re-aquaint my self with the country of my mother's birth. For my girlfriend it gave her an extra insight into me.
One of the justifications I gave for my trip was that I would investigate the art scene and the new art school in Mauritius . I met a Mauritian artist, Krishna Luchoomun, 2 years ago. He had a residency as an overseas artist at the Gasworks a community gallery in Oval, at the time he was talking about playing a founding role in said school.

He seemed very nice more of a statesman than an artist. The work he was exhibiting seemed a little naïve, like a community participation art project, very much passe to a London eye, but I did think about how it might seem from a foreign perspective. What I thought of as cliché such as red buses and telephone boxes are exotic and iconic to a Mauritian especially one who, unlike my family, has not either lived here in London or visited countless times over the years.

I later looked in to his background and he studied art in the USSR pre the fall of the iron curtain. This gave him a very different outlook from the Western European and US arts educated artists I am used to. So

I haven't seen the artists work from the organisation that Krishna has been setting up but I did get to look at some art while I was in Mauritius.

I arrived with my own prejudices particularly towards 'tourist' art, because all I had ever seen of the Mauritian art and handicrafts was hollowed out porcupine fish, minature ships and dodo t-shirts. I actually have bought all of these at one stage or another so it is a little hypocritical, but I did. I was worried that all the painting would be stylised beach scenes and that pop art and conceptualism would have missed Mauritius. It wasn't that I thought it would be backwards but I was worried that the work ethic particularly of those like myself of Indian origin would be so strong that there would be no room for art aimed at Mauritians.

Dissertations notes all in a Jumble

2008-10-13T08:57:00.000-01:00

I'd like to investigate the snobbery of fine art. Fine Art is a very odd distinction, for an area that is supposed to be creative and open there is an awful lot of closed mindedness, snobbery is inate in the very name, Fine Art rather than Craft. Somehow the name means 'un-applied' art, art for its own sake, in its own right. For years it meant painting and sculpture and then later it grew to include conceptual art such as performance art and video.

What is strange is the gradual edging out of certain genres. For some reason the figurative work has been 'relegated' by many to craft or illustration

There has been a split in the artworld into a traditionalist supposedly commercial area and a contemporary 'edgy' area.

Painting has been stranded between the two it seems a painting must not actually have taken any craft to be considered Art, well not from the credited artist. And if it does then it may grudgingly be allowed if the work shocks. If your work does none of the above and only if you are old like Hockney or Lucien Freud and haven't had the decency to die, can you be considered a 'respectable' artist.

Why does the art world have such a problem with Charles Saatchi. Is it there own impotence and a self loathing that he brought British art into the late twentieth century from its cottage industry status constantly playing catch up to a dynamic New York post avant garde scene, and he did it by By buying and showing young British artists, while they were still championing elder statesmen and doddery Americans. The fact the nineties is dominated by art that was to his taste is not his 'fault' but his success if he had not put his money in was anyone else going to, did anyone else? Is what galls the critics of the time that he made a new art fashionable rather than the friends who they had been name dropping in 'all the right places' for years.

But was it Saatchi that made it Fashionable or was it that Saatchi was the Zeitgeist, he had been Thatchers Adman understanding what it took to catch the attention of modern masses. So is it surprising that his art that fit his taste in art caught the public imagination.

Some of the work may have been shocking but so was his own work such as the anti-smoking ads, shocking but hellishly effective.

Why is an advertisement not art?
The subliminals of adverts have to communicate to a wide market, but also to a target market.
Who are art subliminals communicating to?
What is the point of a subtle obscure message particularly if it only communicates to an exclusive market ( maybe that is the point)

I'm not saying art should not have subtlety but that it should not be all subtlety, the audience should not have to have contemporary art explained if they are from the same period as the work it should explain itself. If the work cannot get the attention, the artist or the art world should not blame the audience.

The differentiation between high art and low art is entirely artificial, there is no intrinsic reason one artform should survive by right. It is totally subjective, a matter of personal preference Lucien Freud is no more worthy than Jack Vettriano. Its like saying cricket, as much as I love it, is more important than football. I may prefer it, so to me it is, but there is majority that follow football. There is no point in me complaining about it, Football has the audience, I can choose to do something about it to Complexity is not necessarily a good thing Has art been marginalised because of a refusal to be accessible or to communicate with a mass audience ? Are complaints about supposed dumbing down of art just laments for the exclusivity of art . Based on art where the main market was an educated elite and an aspirational 'nouveau riche'.
Hence just a way of protecting its vested interests, by keeping the exclusive status symbol nature of owning Art.

Is the reason art has resisted being mainstream because art intellectuals fear for their careers , why should contemporary art need explaining, by its very nature art should be expressing its own meaning. I have a view that the only explanation an artist should give is a title and only if they want to, if art needs to explain itself then hasn't it failed. Maybe the purpose of art writing is like journalism to inform and to document ?
Why is art not mainstream along with the other creative media like music, film and TV, and books Who are the artists that the art world respects that are not regarded as High Art Lite, is there a lament for the romantic struggling artist figure who only makes it famous at his death or in his late years? The career model is not very appealing, it only allows for the gifted amateur which is a lovely ideal the pure and uncorrupted artist. But like amateur sport it completely prohibits the working class, and the only ones who prosper are those with independent means or rich parents as they are known. There are those who work as lecturers and tutors but this is restricted to those who can afford the education either through privilege of money or being lucky enough to be born in the right country, and have the background that will allow them the freedom to do so.

Diamonds and Skulls part one

2008-04-14T15:55:00.005-01:00

On a very simple level these two main components of 'For the love of God' have a long history as symbols not only in art but in human society. The skull could almost be said to be culturally insignificant, because of it ubiquitous nature as long as there have been humans there have been human skulls, and by their very nature they have always been associated with death for the most obvious of reasons. Only from the 20Century has it been possible to see the complete skull, human or otherwise without death being involved.

The skull has long been used as an emblem to represent danger or instill fear, the poison bottle, most famously in the Jolly Roger, skull and cross bones flag, however this seems to be a fictional flag that has been adopted in retrospect. Pirates’ supposed use of it seems to have been picked up on. Its later use has been to associate the flyer with pirates and the no prisoners taken ethos. The Pirate flag itself has been adopted by so called alternative culture. This pirate association has also come to mean alternative from the establishment, and rather than use an accurate depiction it tends to use a styalised ‘pop’ version. The ‘real’ skull is taken to be still taboo it is still a symbol of actual death

There are some wonderful examples of how this has sometimes been elaborated to the whole skeleton, and been used to personify death in European or Western culture. The scythe weilding figure the grim reaper that appears to collect the soul, is rarely completely defined in literature, but has been interpreted as a shrouded skeleton by many artists and film makers. This has in turn been parodied by many, notably and famously by Terry Pratchett in his Discworld books which defined and showed the ridiculousness of the practicalities of this literal interpretation of the metafor. Attempts to make the image more intricate and more scary are dispelled by the parody, it some how returns the gravity and effectiveness of the simple skull.

What is Damien Hirst's Medium?

2008-03-30T19:05:00.005-01:00

Damian Hirst is among the few contemporary artists who is known to the 'general public'. He has acheived notoriety along with his contemporary Tracey Emin, even if people cannot name him they would recognise his work. For me the real sign is when work has gained a tabloid newspaper name like Carl Andre's 'Tate Bricks', Emin has 'The Unmade Bed' and 'The Tent' while Hirst has the 'Dead Sheep' the 'Shark' or the 'Pickled Shark' and now the Skull.

If taken literally Hirst seems to have no specific or consistent medium or genre, his series of dead animals from, the Skull, and the Pharmacy, part of the Tate Modern's early hangs would suggest sculpture/installation but his spots and spin paintings would seem to make that sugggest he is also a painter. I would suggest he has to mediums that he is consistent to, which are Sensationalism and Plagiarism.

I should probably illustrate the plagiarism first, as it could be taken to be libellous except for the fact he has had to pay out once to an original artist over a piece which he based on their work. Hymn a 6m tall bronze interpretation of an anatomical model by the toy compay Humbrol and he has been accused of tracing an penguin book illustration for the piece Valium. In a way what Hirst has done is alway to bring these images to a new audience, he particularly takes children toys and brings them out of there original context into a new context. Does he change them enough to make the work his own well that is for the courts to decide, for me it is a new take on the traditional concept of Art holding a mirror to life.

The Easter Assignment - Damien Hirst's Skull

2008-03-30T16:45:00.007-01:00

I first saw Hirst's piece "For the Love of God" on the news, it was billed as the most costly piece of contemporary art ever made, and expected to make 50 million pounds. Hirst reputedly put 11 million pounds of his own money, in to the setting of god knows how many diamonds into the platinum cast of a human skull. It seemed appropriate that it should be on the evening news rather than an arts programme because it always seems to be that his work is about the sensational impact of a piece than the artistic merit of it. It is conceptual art because the description of the work is as important as what the work itself looks like, a radio description of the work is all that is needed we need never actually see the piece for it to have the desired effect.
Having said this I have actually seen the skull itself. I slightly resented it really and if I was not studying Fine Art I would not have bothered. Well actually I would have not bothered on principal, Hirst has quite enough publicity without adding me to the statistics. I was however 'gallerying' with my course mates that day, seeing the retrospective of his work at both White Cube galleries, I didn't realise it was still on display.
Even though there was no charge to see the work, we had to get tickets, give our name and contact details, queue round the block, leave our bags and were only allowed to in a few at a time. Once in, the skull itself was on a plinth (obviously behind glass) it in a pitch black room sparkling like a gaudy sparkly thing. For all its crown jewels build up, profound title and stupidly expensive materials it was trashy and vulgar. The physical artifact could never live up to the hype, it could never be sublime or amazing because there was no surprise. The same visual effect could be got with 8000 holographic sequins and a plastic Halloween toy. It reminded of Robbie Williams who when he moves on stage wants to be Mick Jagger or Iggy Pop but ends up, by his own admission, looking by like Norman Wisdom.

The Easter Assignment

2008-03-20T09:07:00.005-01:00

This is an attempt to figure out my art history assignment by blogging it. The brief is to observe a single artwork of the post war period that can actually be observed in a museum, gallery or collection, and critically discuss it.

As ever I have come at this with a combative mindset and I'm picking apart the whole concept of the piece, but that's more to do with my opinion of the lecturer than the essay. This piece of coursework is fairly representative of him, it is pedestrian and narrow minded. He guides without meaning to, defining what is an isn't art in a way that is reminiscent of the art schools of the 19th Century. He doesn't seem to realise that there is a whole world out there and that some of us have seen more of it than we have seen his conventional art academia. Some of us are trying to bring our own thoughts and experiences to the table.

Me, I'm probably just awkward. The basic idea of the essay is quite appealing, but I like to argue.

Long Awaited Return

2007-12-23T21:56:00.000-01:00

So my computer was stolen and i had to move and I've just been avoiding updating my website and the journal. America was amazing a real eye opener, I feel that the more important part of the trip wasn't experiencing the Art scene, but the US itself. I have more of an understanding of what is the most influential culture in the world, and so a greater understanding of the world. I'll expand on this in the future but at least this is a start

New York Optimism

2007-05-18T10:40:00.000-01:00

I've made some progress in my search for New York galleries since my break through in the understanding of the scale of the city. I have discovered http://www.artupdate.com/ which produces a brilliant map of London galleries, which can be found in the small independent galleries, produces a New York Edition. After my chat with Mike (mentioned a couple of posts earlier) the map means a lot more to me. I think I've gained some confidence, and with a couple of comment on my early posts (thank you), I feel a lot more optimistic.

This is important for me, I'm very mood lead, strangely I see parallels with an obscure X-Men character called Long Shot, not one that those of you who only know the movies will have heard of, Long Shot was a from the comics of the late eighties and early Nineties when comics were my biggest distraction before 'wimmin and drinkin'. His powers were very different from the showy, loud powers we are used to, his power was "Luck", but not just good luck; it was dependent on his mood emotion and motives. If his motives and emotions were noble, happiness or love, his luck would be a wonder to behold! But if his motives were, negative; selfish, fearful or angry his luck would be BAD!

It was very strange to have a power that actively worked against a character, but it was fascinating to have emotional depth to a comic character in a period when I was growing up and forming my own personality. It seemed to (and still does) reflect in my own life, when I'm unsure, depressed or when I go against my best instincts things go wrong, and luck goes against me. Yet when I'm confident and happy everything goes right. I'm getting more and more excited about this trip and somehow I'm finding useful people with useful information about places to go and things to see. All I need now is a few connections, so if you know anyone who would be interested in meeting a charming British artist from London drop me a comment.

Art of England - The Daily Express of Art Magazines

2007-05-15T17:01:00.000-01:00

I bought Art of England for a contrast to Art Review and Art Forum. It has a very strange editorial policy, no apparent worries about integrity or credibility. Its target audience I would say is the retired water-colourist and the evening class taker.

This month the theme seemed to be Rolf Harris, as you will all know, Britain's most famous artist. The cover story was about the TV portrait programme he presents and the second was about the portrait of the Queen he was commissioned to paint for her 80th birthday celebrations. The cover feature is about the portrait equivalent of Ready Steady Cook Where three established portrait artist are challenged to paint a surprise guest in a place of the Celeb's choice. I can't really knock it as, although I don't really watch TV if I stumble across it, I will watch it through to the end, as I did with the article. As well as talking about the programme in general, it interviewed three of the most recent artists who had Barbara Windsor as a subject. What they had to say echoed my own feelings, they were in it for mostly three reason firstly and probably most importantly, fiscal the exposure and PR was worth it on its own, secondly to get out of the studio and work along side other artists and Thirdly for the challenge. I know it is very easy to slip into habits and close your mind it's why I came to University to open myself to new ideas. But a little less about me, and more about the article. It was really to promote a TV programme, which is a little like going to see artists in a zoo and watching them jump though hoops. At least the artist were getting their bit out of it too. It's like any relationship it can be boiled down to who's exploiting whom, this is not touched on at all by the magazine there is very little critical depth or opinion, it's input is more "just grateful to be here with the lovely Rolf”

The rest of the articles followed similar lines, one about a show of celebrity portraits from the National Portrait Gallery in a gallery in Walsall another on some anniversary or other show of the Royal Society of portrait Painters, no critical discourse just a mostly factual gently sycophantic description, big adverts really. But here is where I confuse myself a little, I quite admire the brazen “middle of the road-ness” of the magazine, the total lack of pretension, its ability to be self-sustaining to a mass audience. I wish there was a middle ground where a magazine tried to lead the evening classers away from the safety of the Royal Society of Portrait Painters. But that is just another battle in my own personal art war."

New York Becoming a Reality

2007-05-11T17:24:00.000-01:00

I have spent the last four hours fighting with my laptop trying to get speech recognition software to recognise the word Fuck, but I did get round to recording a proto instalment so I have actually done some work for a change. It did actually give me the impetus to get this done, I have had it in my head for the last four days. Even if I don’t get to transcribe it, making the recording solidifies the ideas in my head, listening back to them is a pure bonus.

I have been trying to round up my various New York connections to ask where I should be going when I get there. It suddenly became a tad more urgent when this week I booked my flight, going out on the 7th and coming back on the 17th of June, that and the end of term looming give me a slightly anxious outlook. So I got round to asking. I started in a quite gentle way asking two friends Jane from my course and Sam an exchange student actually from New York State. It was a very short conversation, they both were a little vague and gave loose answers about areas like St Marks Place and East Village. At least that's what I think they said, I did record it, but I think the real problem is that I really know so little about the city that anything I hear is almost just noise. I spoke to Irene Reed and the problem is the same, without a metaphorical grip on the city I can't take in the information. I could blame my sources, but it’s my trip at risk, it’s not their responsibility, if I don't know what questions to ask.

Thankfully, I have had some success this week because Mike, the man I used to jokingly call my other half be cause we job shared the same position in my day job, has just returned from one week in New York. In fact, it wasn't even a whole week, it was 3 nights in New York and 3 days in Boston. In his own words, he only had time to see the sights but it gave him a chance to get an idea of the city, a model to work with in his head. Weirdly, this man who is the same age as my dad, who has no real artistic slant gave me a starting foothold for my own preparations. He went having never been before so he had to learn about the absolute basics The Subway, The grid system of numbered Avenues and Street, the cab drivers, Central Park and all those other things that we've heard of, from the last forty years in which America particularly New York has come to dominate popular culture.

I was reminded of my experience of LA, three days doing just the Tourist things, and I have got to realise that that is all I can do in what will work out as one week of NY. I will however take a leaf out of my ex-fiancée’s book and plan the trip with in an inch of its life, without personal recommendations my trip will have to be a combination of the Lonely Planet meets the Art Update New York Map. I will be out there with a different ex the much-mentioned Isobel but while she will probably supply the social diary this is work so I have, for my own sanity, to plan the days (and maybe the some of the nights) it would be good if I can get myself to a private view or three.

I’m going to list here the Galleries I have found so far as much for my own information as anything, but if anyone is out there, any suggestions will be gratefully received

Art Periodicals and their part in my downfall

2007-04-26T22:28:00.000-01:00

I haven't written anything about Art journals, magazines or periodicals for this research assignment as I'm not the greatest multi-tasker. I know my idea was to read one a week and review it but I just haven't got round to it.

I have so far read Art Review and a weekly email I get called Art Info, but I really don't get it writing about Art is thus far a pretty closed book to me. I find reading about art does not really convey to me anything about the work even with pictures In fact since I started painting again I have started to actively disregard photos. It isn't really that surprising, I have never really been one for Magazines , my favourite form of mass media is radio, specifically Radio 4. I will endeavour though in fact in the couple of days of bus rides that I have been writing this during , I have bought 3 very different periodicals Which I will review eventually and probably post much later.

I did spend several weeks reading or at least leafing through a copy Art Review from the David Lynch article to the 25 Artists to look out for in the future. I can't really say very much about it because it was pretty unmemorable I never really did get into it, It seems really to be about glossy pictures and adverts revenue from galleries in New York and Germany. I mentioned the 25 artists because I found out that a friend of mine was an artist, I'd only ever seen him at parties and in the pub and to me the most notable thing was how he fancied my ex-girlfriend and how unpleasant it was for that he got mugged. Maybe my priorities are skewed for an Art student but the only thing that sticks out about what I read was what I found out about a friend and that David Lynch of the produces, as a hobby, art that gets publicity because he's famous for making films. I'm easily distracted I know, in fact I have a special report all about it, but I think anybody would have difficulty reading Art Review because of all the ads. I don't know how many times I got confused between ad and article but I think its a big part of why the magazine is sitting mournfully by my bed not and i keep pretending to myself that I'll read some more.

NY galleries

2007-04-26T22:05:00.000-01:00

I've rather neglected my new York research. It has become the plans for a trip to New York so it will actually cone to fruition after the end of term
I am collecting, gallery names and people to guide me through where to go. Currently I have my ex-girlfriend's mother Irene Reed who studied there in the 6Os and 70s (I think) and Lindsey my friend Sam's ex-girlfriend who is studying there now.

I am also going to consult the ace up my sleeve a London based artist from New York who recently featured in Art Review's 25 Artists to watch for the Future
I'm not exactly Sure he'll be able to help in a tangible way but he should be able to give me a feeling about how the Art Scene works and if I'm very lucky he'll be able to give me some contacts.
Who knows what will really happen its all just conjecture but I'm ever the optimist, as long as I put in the effort it should be a success. Now I should get back to I'm scouting the magazines for hopeful looking gallery names

Actually Seeing The Gilbert and George Exhibition and The Work Itself

2007-04-21T07:44:00.000-01:00

Going around the actual Tate Modern exhibition, I thought might help me understand all the fuss, maybe even convert me, or at least give me an understanding of their work.

It starts with some of their latest work based on the bombings in London 7/7 and 21/7 in their traditional panel style. I saw this and it didn't really touch me other than make me want to go in to see the full extent of their work or to put it honestly, anything else they could do, that I might like or at least, that wouldn't leave me cold.
It started well as it started with their early work. It was refreshing to see the artists before they became a caricature. Their early work such as their Sculpture by Post and their Singing Flanagan and Alan sculpture have a wonderful humour to them that still has a freshness, possibly because they are smiling and relaxed and not trying to be "Gilbert and George" but just making art and making a point . It seems that the rot started when they did their drawing pieces, and became overly concerned with people trying to figure out which of them had drawn which part. This seems to be when they became more concerned about the perception of Gilbert and George than of the work itself. I know that this is part of their Art and was particularly relevant at the time, but it is where their work begins to leave me. It is ironic as I really liked the examples of the drawings that were in the exhibition. This is the point when the first of their signature panel pieces came about. Oddly, in the exhibition, I actually quite liked it, it seemed like a very natural progression for the earlier photographic work to take the scale of the drawing and in the context of the exhibition, I enjoyed it until I realised that it was not going to stop, all I could hope for was a change in colours.

From here on things went down hill, although the content changed with the period the unchanging nature of the presentation meant that it became a bit of a blur. We lurched from room to room grasping for differences, from familiar pieces to recognisable figures (were we the only people who noticed a young Martin Clunes, I don't know?) It was very hard to appreciate individual pieces. I got more and more bored, additions of nudity, piss, shit and cum did little to alleviate it, maybe it would have been different if I hadn't been aware it would be coming. My heart did jump a little when I saw the pieces that were exhibited in the White Cube but only because I new the end was in sight.

Mind mapping Gilbert and George

2007-04-21T01:56:00.000-01:00

Since Last I posted I have openned a big box of software I got because of the disabled student allowance , which I get because of dispraxia which I will no doubt explain at a later date. The reason I mention it is that I have been trying the mind map software which I have come to the conclusion is best for essays, unless I can get the blog to publish in a Mind Map TM format. Because of all of this I have got far to much to publish at once but I'm going to any way.

Gilbert and George; Historical and Contemporary artists

I always think an artist (or double act) should be judged by his or her work. So theoretically a retrospective of Gilbert and George's work should be the place to start, if my prejudice against them is going to be tested then this is where it should happen.

Secondary to the work itself but still important is an understanding or appreciation of the context , and the period the work was created in. This applies to a historical artists rather than contemporary artists, but with artists such as Gilbert and George where their work stretches back over almost forty years, back to their breakthrough, which according to the exhibition programme was in 1969, before I was born.
But, I have live through the period that most of the work was created in, and even though I was very young at the beginning of the eighties I remember the feeling of the time not just because of I LOVE80s revival TV but because if affected me, so the work although not contemporary to now, it is contemporary to me.

I have however come to the conclusion that G&G as I have come to think of them cannot really be called contemporary artists, in much the same way The Rolling Stones are not really a contemporary band. They may still be performing today and they may be admired but they are a remnant of a bygone era, they had a heyday in the late seventies and eighties (okay the stones was 60s and 70s) when they were world beaters the zeitgeist, not just riding but creating the wave that has shaped and influenced not just Artists but a whole generation Like the Stones they have been living on that reputation, while Mick, Keef, Ronnie & Charlie are perpetually on a farewell tour Gilbert & George have been rehashing their once ground breaking work to fit new issues, in a way that doesn't really convince, that its not just about self promotion they may have supposedly found the perfect way to express themselves but It feels to me that they seem to fear that if it doesn't look like a G&G no one will believe them

Gilbert and George, my thoughts before my visit to the Tate Modern

2007-03-29T04:33:00.000-01:00

I wrote these notes while waiting for a friend before going into the exhibition.

Gilbert and George at Tate Modern

I've no idea about transcribing this, but I thought it might be interesting to write about how I feel before I go into the exhibition. I'm waiting for Clare, one of my fellow Middlesex students, who is very easy to be honest around because she has her own very special gently sociopathic disregard for convention. I had been going to see it with Lara, a very intense Italian, but she is ill, but I think I would have had difficulty contradicting her.

I am expecting not to like the work or rather to be unimpressed. how can they live up to the hype. I'm almost dreading going in. What if I do like it? If I don't, is it because I'm closed minded to the idea?

As it stands, I've seen their work at the White Cube and other galleries. I feel they have just produced the same piece over and over again, presenting not really the subject of their work or the issue but just taking another opportunity for self promotion, without innovation, stuck in a rut.

A very good friend (Isobel, for those who know her) pointed out something I've been very quiet about. They have a very similar aesthetic to me, putting themselves into their pictures, in their tweed suits or naked, both of which have echoes in my work . Maybe my dread is being compared to them. Their success with work that is so different to mine is intimidating, what if I don't measure up because I'm too literal or ordinary, or just not good enough.

- And that was when I ran out of paper and Clare arrived

WhiteCube - A tale of two Galleries

2007-03-23T10:56:00.000-01:00

The First piece of proper research I have done for this, happened on Saturday 17th March when I went to the White Cube Gallery. truth be told I finally got round to dragging my self to galleries after having 2 weeks of bed ridden illness and a week of partying for my birthday. I went to both the Hoxton and the Green Park White Cube Galleries to see the Anselm Keifer and the Christian Marclay. Unfortunately the Christian Marclay had ended, which I really regret because he is very much a new discovery for me. I fell in love with his recent piece at Tate Modern. it will hopefully give me a kick up the arse to make me go to see exhibitions when I hear about them.

Well back to what I actually saw. It was probably good that it wasn't the Christian Marclay as I actually thought about the gallery and the curating as well as the work on show. Chronologically I saw the Keifer at Green Park, it was a very grand show with another sculpture (which I missed) in the Courtyard of the Royal Academy, but what I did see had a lot of pizazz. Whoever curated the actual layout of the show whether it was the artist or the gallery's own curator was quite a showman and the piece Palm Sunday which was dominated by a 30 foot palm tree, on its side, was placed for impact, to give the whole show a talking piece. Unfortunately and the is always an unfortunately for me this really distracted and detracted from the wall of paintings/collages which were much more complex and ultimately more interesting than the tree.

Downstairs there were very large paintings, landscapes using clay, paint (and apparently shellac) to show very wide horizons, arable plains. The shear scale was very effective, 10 foot high and 20 foot wide, putting you in to the spaces they portrayed/created, but again after a while the clay, which had given the initial impact, became distracting and felt like a gimmick.

I only saw the sketches for the piece in the RA courtyard, but because of the understated nature of the display, in a glass table top case, they were very effective and you could get the feeling of the intention of the piece which actually makes me feel as though I saw the piece in reality.

I dashed from Green Park, to the Hoxton Square White Cube as it was the end of the day, a strangely awkward journey, to a very different show. I have never heard the name Eberhard Havekost which I'll admit is not saying much, but I did recognise one of his pieces.

Havekost is a painter with quite a diverse range, from fairly gory depictions of accidents to sharply technically drawn flags. The exhibition showed this, but in the worst way, it was cluttered and abysmally hung. Whereas the Keifer was hung for impact this seemed to be hung for information with aesthetics not getting a look in. There was far too much on the walls and it seemed to be hung in no particular order, and you had no chance to appreciate the work. One or two pieces got a good showing, because they were big enough to be on a wall on their own. It was like the artist had wanted to show absolutely everything he had done recently and the curator hadn't had the heart or the guts to say no, I really don't feel I can comment on the work it self, which is probably being fairer than I ought because I was left pretty cold but I can't tell if that was because of the paintings or the gallery .

They say an artist is the best person to hang his work but I disagree, as an artist myself, I am far too close to my work to be objective. I can advise on my work or on a piece and its context to another, but a good curator should make decisions about the space and the transitions between pieces within it.

With these two exhibitions, The White Cube seem to have shown where their priorities lie. A grand high impact show for their big name in the new flagship and a cluttered poorly curated show for the small name in the gallery where their roots are. It feels very much like they are wannabe star trying to fit in with their new glamorous 'friends' trying ditch their past out of embarrassment. It might be that the business has taken over from the Art and that they are prioritising the show with the prestige and money making potential, or it could be that they have over stretched and are not actually capable of putting two shows up to a high standard in which case their reputation will suffer.

Decisions, Decisions 6th March

2007-03-23T10:26:00.000-01:00

Due to illness and well generally being Brendon, I haven’t really been able to research galleries and artists so I’m going to have to make a sort of executive decision or decisions.

The private gallery is the White Cube, initially of Hoxton but with a sort globalised brand I know there is one in Piccadilly and I believe Paris and New York, established by Jay Joplin partner of YBA Sarah Lucas, a sort of poacher sleeping with gamekeeper, relationship. Although this may all be tosh as this is what I think I know it’s not researched and may well be contradicted by things I write later

The Artist I’m choosing is Gilbert and George. For various reasons, firstly because I don’t actually like they’re work which will make this stimulating or at least thought provoking for me, although this might change while I research this piece. I have a terrible propensity for falling for or at least sympathising with the enemy I’m too much of a people person, I empathise very readily. Secondly although I think it’s pretentious they only work together as effectively one artist and it gives me the opportunity to switch between plural and singular verbs and pronouns with gay abandon, and enjoy the fact that that will really annoy some people. Thirdly and probably most important is that they are alive and still working and as this is about career as much as I is work that is relevant to me it also won’t do my research any harm that they have a big retrospective at the Tate

The Public Gallery I have chosen, I actually haven’t chosen yet, although have decided to choose the City of New York because I frequently hear about the Art scene there and how it is cutting edge and so superior. And certain friends are always telling me how wonderful the city is. Well I’ve never been there, but refuse to be overawed, which is one of my strengths and weaknesses. So I’ve chosen to keep what I value most which is an open mind and look into it for my self.

The Art periodical choice is another I haven’t made and this is for a reason which is different from the public gallery, which is due to a lack of knowledge, this is due to an almost voluntary lack of knowledge. I find or at least have found Art magazines stultifyingly boring. I am not a low art kind of guy but pseudo intellectualising and pretentious wannabes and snobbery when written down makes me actually want to enjoy big brother (unfortunately like my opinion of Paul Weller I prefer the early stuff) This will probably be the hardest to write mostly because I will have to force myself to read at least one possibly several. An open mind will be difficult but I’ll try, though it might be easier to just rant

This was actually writtten on the 6th March but any other blogger users will know that changing to the new system is more complex than they make out

Choosing an Artist

2007-02-27T22:15:00.000-01:00

Having said that this is supposed to be about a contemporary artist, reading the hand out there is no mention of living or dead. So I could choose anyone. My initial thought was to choose Banksy but I could probably write that without research, as I've bought the books and followed his career almost since the start, but that's not why I'm doing this degree. I'm doing it to further myself and my learning, and if I don't then I'm cheating myself.

So here are the first few of the long-list that I'm drawing up:
Tracey Emin
Grayson Perry
Steve McQueen
Gilbert and George
and Simon Starling
4 Turner Prize winners and a shortlister

I've started with these because of the way that although the Turner Prize is probably the biggest and best PR stunt the British contemporary art world can pull off, I always have difficulty relating to it and never agree with the winner. But then if people in general agreed with it would it get as much publicity? Anyway I'll start my long list with these while I also devise my criteria

While I'm here I will put Tate down as the first contender for public Gallery.

With galleries it won't be as hard to decide, until last term I never really thought about them conciously, so I'll just choose the one which piques my ineterest most. However with artists it will be more difficult, should I choose a more obscure one I'm unfamiliar with, with a possibly unreliable amount of information to work from or should I choose a well known artist with lots of info, but which might be a bit too easy or obvious and therefore not stimulating. Either way I think I will try to chose someone as different from me as I can so that I actually learn something.

Again I've forgotten about the "masters" traditional painters and sculpters where the world they lived in shaped their work in ways that are very different from today. I can see this being a very complex decision, but I can't get too bogged down with it, I've got to do the actual research.

Research and Learning

2007-02-27T21:37:00.000-01:00

This term the blog has come into its own, it has become a compulsory part of the History of Art course, ie no excuses. I'm not sure how this is supposed to work but we have to research and document several things: An Artist ( I'm assuming contemporary ) their work and career, a public gallery or project, a private gallery, difference between the two remit and direction, and finally an Art journal.

We then have to submit our findings here as our blog, aided and hindered by the instruction of our brilliant if scatter brained lecturer Adrian Rifkin and his trusty side kicks Olga and Rob
So here begins my take on 1906 HAA Contemporary and Critical Writing

A Sense of Images HAD1904

2007-01-06T01:13:00.000-01:00

1 Equivalent VIII –Carl Andre
2 My Bed –Tracey Emin
3 Shed-Boat-Shed and, Tabernas Desert Run–Simon Starling
4 The Dark Knight Strikes Again (selected pages)–Frank Miller
5 Kissing Coppers –Banksy

I am presenting these images together to illustrate my view that the mainstream Fine Art World has, by intellectualising and pseudo-intellectualising contemporary art, alienated the General Public and, through doing this, missed a trick. It has missed out on artists who, due to this, do not want anything to do with it.

My definition of the “Fine Art World” is fairly uncontroversial; I would say that it would be agreed on by the general public. I include the Academic Art Establishment, i.e. Universities and Galleries, The Fine Art Press and The Broadcast Arts media; those who make their living talking and writing about Art. When I talk about the general public, I am going on my own reading of the media reaction and my recollection of the events and what other people have said, but I did use my family to help me confirm my choice of my first two images, by asking them what they thought of when they thought of “modern art”. I tried not to lead them, which is how I know that Carl Andre’s piece is known as the Tate Bricks.

The furore over The Tate’s acquisition of Carl Andre’s Equivalent VIII (said Tate Bricks) is, for me, the turning point when the British press’s ridiculing of the piece and the failure of the Art World to get its side of the argument across, seems to cause the Art World to give up on the General Public. Until this point, the fine art world did not have its defensive air, it let artists’ work undergo public scrutiny and sink or swim in their own right. It may have been disagreed with but it didn’t seem to take it ‘personally’.

From hereon, as a reaction to the assault of the popular press, the fine art world started to define itself as “Other” to the press. It rejected the populist, the figurative and technical proficiency that the press valued. In doing this, it has proved them right; it actually became what the press said it was.

I have included Tracey Emin’s “My Bed” because it represents the public’s idea of contemporary art. Also because she, alongside Damien Hurst, is the most famous of the Young British Artists who were patronised by Charles Saatchi.

Saatchi legitimised the Art World’s position by adding serious money to the equation. His patronage of Contemporary Art the power to be able to be independent of public opinion. Finally, Fine Art no longer had to worry about the public and its opinion. Charles Saatchi seems to have somehow created what seems to be a self-sustaining bubble effect.

The Art World is understandably reluctant to kill its golden goose, by debunking the myth that the only valid art is difficult art; art which has to be explained or, better still, which repels people. Especially as the people who are prepared to follow Saatchi’s lead seem to be rich people buying Art as status symbols. To me it has a very strong feeling of the ‘Emperor’s new clothes’.

During the period between these two pieces, Conceptual Art has come to dominate the Contemporary Art World. Along with Abstract work, it has almost completely displaced Figurative art. Originally the outsider that stunned and terrified the establishment, it has now become the Fine Art mainstream. The closed-mindedness that it overhauled when it opened the worlds eyes to the possibilities and concepts, has not disappeared. It has just turned around and swallowed it whole and closed back up.

It is like the end of George Orwell’s Animal Farm; all the hopes of a radical movement have seemingly been washed away by power and money. Which was almost inevitable; a repeat of what has happened time and again in the history of Fine Art, a shunned movement has become the establishment. Like Communism that Orwell was parodying. The Art World has built a wall around itself, in fear of criticism, and a lack of faith in its own judgement rather than taking the fight to its critics.

Another major point that has alienated the Public, is the loss of the craft side of art; the feeling that the artist himself has not done anything. The main complaint is either that there is no skilled work in a piece, or that the artist has left it all up to professional artisans and then taken all the credit. It is accepted that artists have always relied on others in some part of the process, like making pigments or casting bronzes. Indeed human society is founded on specialisation but, having found objects copied and cast, as Damien Hurst and others have done, feels to many people like cheating.

The phrase most often heard is “I could’ve done that”. Critics and curators often try to say that this is a positive thing, bringing people closer to Art; stripping away the class barriers of art. I disagree; while the idea of breaking down the barrier awe is an idea of merit, I do not think the barriers were between the artists and the public but between the owners, critics and the public. People appreciate Artists; they like to feel that work has gone into a piece. They feel kinship to Art it because, while they appreciate skill, they know about hard work; the idea of an artist getting paid to do almost nothing galls. The most obvious parallel is sport, particularly football. People are inspired by Zinedine Zidane’s genius to go out and play football in the park and they appreciate him because they know what it is like to try to run after a ball, but Gary Lineker, while an England hero, will always be regarded as a bit of a goal hanger.

I’ve included Simon Starling’s pieces from the 2005 Turner prize because they sort of show how you need both. There is no doubt that he put in the hard work but people fail to see the skill. The quality is academic not aesthetic and again, the public’s alienation of the Contemporary Fine Art perpetuated.

I finish with two examples that show artists who address contemporary issues, have found popular audiences and critical acclaim, completely bypassing the “Fine Art World”

The first of these two, Frank Miller, has gained a major public audience for his Art, using the Comic book as his medium. He is credited with the growing up of the comic book, when he gave us The Dark Night Returns 1987. It is a work that is partially responsible for the saving the Comic genre and that ultimately triggered the spate of Comic adaptation films, including one of his own: “Sin City”. He also seems unafraid of bucking trends or upsetting fans. In the eighties and nineties, he showed the dark potential of the comic medium, then returned in the 21st century to play with what he calls DC’s toys and continued his biting satire by embracing the ‘camp’ side of the comic book hero.

When working with Batman, Miller uses the platform to reach a wider audience. He takes what he sees in the world, particularly the mass media extrapolates it to a perverse but not too far –fetched conclusion, back within the DC world both Dark Knight (Batman) books are set in a near but undetermined future. Miller effectively uses a tradition of Batman graphic novels, whereby they do not need to follow the chronology or precise storyline of the monthly comic magazines; he gives them a grittiness that hits home, making them relevant to real life.

My last image is instantly recognisable as much from his medium as his style. I first became aware of Banksy around the year 2000, when my girlfriend of the time pointed his work out to me. She and I worked in the Shoreditch area, where much of his work is to be seen. If you do not know his work, he is a graffiti artist/ vandal and iconoclast, whose work satirises the modern world He is flippantly controversial in his medium and subject and has no qualms in ridiculing or offending common decency but, does not seem to seek to appal. He does not intellectualise his work, it is not obscure; it is direct and has popular appeal. He has seemingly caught the Art World completely unaware, gradually breaking on to the mainstream by virtue of word-of-mouth and lots of hard work and creativity, avoiding the Gallery system and Art criticism. It could be said that his work is reminiscent of Marcel Duchamp and Dadaism but I think he would nod, smile and call you a "tosser" behind your back

When asked if graffiti is art or vandalism, his response is:
“That word has a lot of negative connotations and it alienates people, so no, I don't like to use the word 'art' at all”

Bibliography
Equivalent VIII –Carl Andre 1966 Tate Britain
http://www.tate.org.uk/
downloaded December 2006d

My Bed –Tracey Emin 1999 Saatchi Gallery
http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk/ downloaded December2006

Shed-Boat-Shed and Tabernas Desert Run –Simon Starling 2005 Tate Britain
http://www.tate.org.uk/ downloaded December 2006

Kissing Coppers –Banksy 2003
http://www.banksy.com/ downloaded January 2007

Dark Knight Strikes Again –Frank Miller © DC Comics 2002
http://moebiusgraphics.com/ downloaded January 2007

dates checked using
http://www.google.co.uk/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
http://www.tate.org.uk/

Romantic Brutality skirts Naffness

2007-01-05T23:33:00.000-01:00

I'm the dandy highwayman who you're too scared to mention
I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention
the devil take your stereo and your record collection!
the way you look you'll qualify for next year's old age pension!

Stand and deliver your money or your life!
try and use a mirror no bullet or a knife!

I'm the dandy highwayman so sick of easy fashion
the clumsy boots, peek-a-boo roots that people think so dashing
so what's the point of robbery when nothing is worth taking?
it's kind of tough to tell a scruff the big mistake he's making

Stand and deliver your money or your life!
try and use a mirror no bullet or a knife!

and even though you fool your souls
your conscience will be mine
all mine

We're the dandy highwaymen so tired of excuses
of deep meaning philosophies where only showbiz loses
we're the dandy highwaymen and here's our invitation
"throw your safety overboard and join our insect nation"

Stand and deliver your money or your life!
try and use a mirror no bullet or a knife!

and even though you fool your souls
your conscience will be mine, all mine

da diddley qa qa da diddley qa qa
da diddley qa qa da diddley qa qa

Stand and deliver your money or your life!
Stand and deliver your money or your life!...

Bibliography

Stand and Deliver ©Adam Ant/Marco Pirroni 1981
source http://www.sing365.com/
Downloaded January 2007 dates checked via adam-ant.net

Photographs Rineke Dijkstra

Montemor, Portugal 1May 1994 - The Marian Goodman Gallery
Source www.rinekedijkstra.net/
Downloaded January 2007

Montemor, Portugal 1Mei 1994 –Educatie Groninger Museum collection
Source http://www.educatie-groningermuseum.nl/
Downloaded January 2007

Forte de Casa May 20 2000 -Cruel and Tender at the Tate -May2003
Source arts.guardian.co.uk
Downloaded January 2007

Vila Franca de Xira, Portugal, May 8, 1994 - Stedelijk Museum collection
Sourcehttp://www.stedelijk.nl/
Downloaded January 2007

Brendlefly - Web journal of Brendon O'Hanlon

2006-11-03T08:38:00.000-01:00

I have missed a week, not because I haven't written anything, but because what I had, was not ready to go up. Here is the first of my assignments from Adrian Rifkin to go up. I could attach it but. I prefer just copying the text.

The brief was to document how I pay attention to something, to be written in the third person. This actually changed from lecture to lecture first it was "describe yourself in the third person", then it was "describe yourself paying attention to anything" , then it was "..paying attention to a piece of art". I distilled these many options into:

Brendon Paying Attention to Adrian Rifkin’s Lecture.

Brendon has an odd way of paying attention to anything. When he goes to Adrian’s lecture he doesn’t take notes, well not many, he might note down the list of Artist names that get reeled off, but he doesn’t take actual notes on the lecture. He listens, and takes in the information, tries to comprehend and question it.

Writing notes down, if Brendon could keep up, which is unlikely, some how stops the information going in. It’s as though the meaning of the words hits his face and slides off down his fingers.

During the first lecture as well as listening to him, he ran his eye over Adrian. Trying to get the measure of the man, appearance first, age, clothes, then style and manner. He then started taking in his words, assessing not just the immediate content but taking in the political and social direction of his talk, personal anecdotes were noted and a picture built up.

The process of profiling Adrian, while important to Brendon, distracts from the actual academic content, so during the lecture he decided he’d like to try recording it. The idea of recording appeals, because without notes from the lecture although he absorbs and understands it, there is the worry that he won’t recall the specifics of it. There is also the plus that he’s never tried recording lectures before, Brendon likes to try new things, it’s a way of feeling like you’re achieving without actually doing any work.

By the third lecture Brendon has got himself a digital camera with a built in microphone, so he starts recording. He considers full video, but settles on sound, it should be enough to trigger memory, probably better, because the lack of image will actually make him remember the visual image. The freedom of the recording allows him to relax and really listen and interact with the lecture.

For the first time since arriving at University he is confident enough to draw in a lecture, he hasn’t drawn in school or college lessons since he was 11 , when he used it to help him focus on listening comprehension. While drawing, Brendon realises he has wanted to draw Adrian since the first lecture. As well as fixing Adrian’s image in his head, drawing acts as a tool to focus Brendon’s attention on Adrian. He decides to try the technique in lectures generally

Near the end of the lecture, someone who has come late asks to borrow Brendon’s notes for the lecture, he laughs goes through his pad and offers the picture. Oddly they don’t take up the offer.

Brendlefly - Web journal of Brendon O'Hanlon

2006-10-21T01:38:00.000-01:00

Brendlefly - Web journal of Brendon O'Hanlon
Wow, a weeks gone by already since I set this up and I don't feel as though I've achieved much. Sunday I pretty well finished the work for my first Uni piece by taking photos of the congregation arriving for church. Again as usual there's a back story to this which I haven't mentioned. Well here goes..

In the beginning there was a word and the word was Vita, well actually three words Vita Et Pax written in large scary letters , accompanied by a large equally scary scarlet cross. This was the first time I walked from Oakwood station to the university, and the were written on the side of a very modern looking church. I assumed it was the fire and brimstone brigade , evangelical Christians/ happy clappy born again Christians in an appropriated school, until I thought about it. Vita et pax is Latin, and the font was a 30s style, and come to think of it the rest of the building was Art Deco maybe even that scary cross. So this was purpose built religious building. Well this intrigued me so I investigated, painted and drew and investigated some more have now mostly finished the piece. I'll post a few pictures on my website www.brendlefly.co.uk to give you an idea

The Final Piece is an installation, I haven't actually been able to set it up yet but it involves the second of two paintings of the church, painted from about fifteen feet away, the church curves like a fish eye wide angle lens because, I wanted a human perspective. I wanted to give it the imposing presence I feel the building has. From beside the painting the bottom left, right next to the main congregation entrance in the picture, will be a projection of the photos of the congregation arriving showing the effect of the church, what(who) this rather amazing, extreme building attracts. I want to do this using projection rather than using a TV because you can then interact with the images by walking through them.

I have got rather involved with this piece drawing parishioners, and the priest and getting to know the history of the place and I have a bit of a soft spot for it, I have actually said I'll show it finally at the Christmas Bazaar and at a special event they are having in November( I'll post more when I know more)

On Tuesday 17th we had a review/assessment, I think it went well, obviously I talked a lot. There was some positive reaction and there were a couple of suggestions that I should maybe have sound bites, which I'm not sure about. I didn't do it at the time because I didn't have the equipment, also the November event the parish council is working on does include interviews so I may find some way of working them in.

The truth is also, the ADD bunny in me has moved on to a new piece. Piece is a bit of a grand description, I have the seed of an idea. As I was taking photos and painting in Catholic territory I became increasingly paranoid, or at least tense hoping no-one would ask me what religion I am. I consider myself a fairly vehement athiest and I felt like I was tresspassing in this community. I was waiting for someone to challenge me like an illegal alien petrified about being asked to show my passport. The question did come from the priest himself, and I sort of bluffed my way saying I had no religion because of my mixed back ground of Tamil Mother and the English semi religious schooling from when I was young.

I got through but suddenly felt a issolated or excluded, they knew, and suddenly I didn't belong- because I didn't beleive.

The following day I was discussing this with two class mates and the religion question came up again I gave my vehement athiest answer and the lad I was with said he couldn't be religious because he was gay. He was excluded to not because he didn't beleive but because he felt there is no space for him.

I've been playing with this thought but I haven't come up with a way to use it yet. I have begun to draw and paint a few of these "excluded" as a start.

Phew maybe I did do something last week, because I have yet to mention that on Thursday I went to the Turner prize and I had a test run for a variation on a private view for an exhibition I have up in a local pub/pizza place called the Gate. I'll post details about that today or tomorrow and I'll be reviewing the Turner for Uni so I can put that up too.

Bye 'til then

2006-10-14T05:16:00.000-01:00

This is the first installment of my web journal. There's a lot of back story missing but this is the story so far.

In 1975 I was born, this has suprised a lot of people, especially on my new course, who thought I was younger. But I like being 31 I've had a lot of fun getting here and I wouldn't want to lose any of it (even the bad bits)

Bringing it back to the present or at least to the recent past. The course I mentioned is BA Fine Art at Middlesex University, the impetus for this "blog" (Ugh I hate that word which is why I refer to ths as my web journal). Anyway it started 3 weeks ago, and its been a hard start, mostly due to my day job which I have had to fit my course around. Not that they haven't been flexible, I'm lucky I can go part time at all, but having to apply for my own job, writing CVs, application forms, doing psycometric tests, competence test and interviews with managers who don't really understand the intricasies of my job, and then decide I need to do extra qualifications just to keep it- well you can understand why I might find it stressful. I really didn't need all that rubbish when starting a degree.

As a 'mature' student my concerns are different, while I'm stressing with work, most of my new student friends are facing very different forms of stress. The shock of the new, a new course, new city, new responsibilities, new freedoms. I envy them a little, it's an amazing time, but I have been there. Back in 1993 Newcastle University, Richardson Road Student Flats. Unfortunately I was doing the wrong course, (Mechanical Engineering). I had an amazing time, with all the same distractions, but it was socialising and particularly romance that undid me. I can take or leave the drugs and alcohol but when I'm in love I give my 'everything'. I can make that special person feel like the only person on earth.

This all sounds very lovely I'm sure but unfortunately I don't work during this time. You can't do a degree like an ordinary job, just putting in the hours well I can't. My attention span doesn't work like that. I will spend hours thinking, daydreaming, faffing then suddenly I'll have a moment of clarity and tunnel vision. I'll forget to eat(one of my biggest passions), I won't sleep, when painting I'll forget to move my legs until they seize up. It's the same energy.

So before I started Uni, I did something terrible, I cut away a piece of my soul. I swore off love. I was going out with someone I cared for, loved but wasn't lost in. I broke it off, I didn't dump her I told her all the reasons and we parted amicably if sadly, but I swore I wouldn't have another relationship, wouldn't fall in love until after I finish my degree.

It doesn't sound so bad, like giving up smoking or alcohol, people do those all the time. But this is a much higher high an addiction people kill for and I've tasted it, I've been in the sweetest most passionate, intelectual, animalistic love, but I neglected my own development and without a strong self as a base it crumbled .

So if I'm going to have to do without Love, I'm going to have to find something to replace it, may be it should be Art.